Episode 6 1/2 (OHSERNBSF) - My Thoughts

Just when you thought you couldn’t gain or lose points based on the actions of Philimated teams, CBS brings you their Official Holiday Special Episode of Recaps and “Never-Before-Seen Footage” (OHSERNBSF). But if you watch the insider videos on CBS.com with any regularity (and when you live with Scrappy, you do), you’d know that several of the “Deleted” Scenes have actually been available online for weeks. Speaking of Scrappy, she is somewhere skiing on a Colorado mountaintop right now, so I’ve been given the honor and great responsibility of writing a recap for the latest episode.

Early on in OHSERNBSF we learn that Freddy and Kendra misplace their very first clue. Come on guys, you don’t even have fatigue and hunger as an excuse. Turns out Voldermort picked up their dropped clue and just when the viewers are relishing the fact they have one more reason to hate him, Voldemort returns the clue to Freddy. But you still hate him for his smugness when he returns it. That and the wife-beating.

Normally I’m not a fan of people faking illness or handicaps to get ahead in the race (I’m thinking of Charla getting on a flight in AR5 because she supposedly needed a ‘doctoro’), but there is something kinda funny about Bolo faking cerebral palsy to cut in line at customs(?).

While Adam and Rebecca are usually described as “formerly dating,” for the OHSERNBSF they get upgraded to “former lovers” during a Phil voice over. Yuck.

At one point we see Meredith/Maria’s (who’s who again?) safety goggles perched on her forehead and jump down her face at their own will. That was funny.

Does anyone know was Avi/Joe’s (again, I don’t know who is who- damn these teams that get philiminated early on) Hebrew hat says?

Why does Voldemort feel the need to turn into the camera and say that in order to win the race you need to “Be the game.”? What does that mean? Or is it just some BS cliché buzzword Voldey came up with? The only thing that makes this footage bearable is that it is immediately followed by Victoria telling him, “you stink,” effectively knocking him off his whole Buddha on the mountain top high horse.

I love Lena and Kristy for taking time out in the car to reapply lip gloss in preparation to see Phil. Gloss is a much more subtle and acceptable way to spruce up than the AR5 twins always showing up at the Pit Stop in their sports bras for no good reason.

Voldemort, continuing to act like an insolent impulsive child, tried to ride the bull ice sculpture at the Ice bar. As Taurus, I was offended for the poor frozen bovine, just minding its own business when it gets its horns snapped off by a stinky “superhero.”

CBS just had to show Bolo miscounting the IKEA beanie babies one more time, didn’t they?

I love that the mystery of who told Voldemort to shut up in IKEA was solved, as I had never been sure whether it was an IKEA employee or Aaron who did so. We were treated to extended footage of Aaron taunting Voldey. Unfortunately, we are also served an extra helping of Voldemort berating Victoria while they assemble the desk. Voldey may be an easy target because it doesn’t take much to get him steamed, but perhaps a good strategy by Aaron because insolent impulsive toddler-men are so easily distracted.

You know, when I was in Paris as an exchange student in high school, I would get frustrated with Parisians that answered me in English when I made an effort to speak in French. But when it took Adam and Rebecca 30 seconds to spit out “Parlez-vous francais?” and the Sengalese cab driver answered “yes.” I cracked up. Because clearly the only French they knew was that question and it is a stupid thing to ask. “Do you speak French?” “Yes [but clearly you do not].”

Well, we had hoped when Voldemort asked for plane tickets to “Dakar, Africa” that he knew in the back of his mind that Dakar is in Senegal. Or at least he would figure that out once he got there. No such luck. Which we find out when he repeatedly tells the camera that the “President of Synagogue” is blocking traffic. President of Synagogue. Is that like a Rabbi?

We are offered a nice juxtaposition to Kendra’s evil racist “breeding” remarks when we are shown OHSERNBSF’s recording of Kris and Jon using extra time in Senegal to swim in the ocean and play with local children. I love Kris and Jon.

Hayden thought the Berlin wall was going to be prettier. A wall meant to keep people out, where 192 were killed trying to cross is supposed to look like what exactly? A doily with barbed wire on top?

One of my favorite parts of OHSERNBSF is when Adam and Bolo team up to tease Rebecca before she does the reverse bungee jump thingy. Adam: “If you die, can I have your power bars?” Bolo: “Do you have a living will?” But Rebecca’s response is the best: “Everyone suck it!”

Well, OHSERNBSF leaves us once again in to-be-continued-limbo. All the teams except Lori and Bolo are at the internet café. Lori and Bolo are still sleeping on train station benches in the rain (I really feel sorry for the camera guys and their equipment at times like these, don’t you?). Previews for next week still have Victoria mad at Voldemort and Freddy threatening to snap someone in half.